The Enemy Within.

I don’t feel like going.

This was what I had told myself today. At moments I’d have flashes of inspiration that had me deciding to go after all, but as the day drew on, and the heat intensified I couldn’t think of anything less I felt like doing. And so the tug of war continued…
“Ok I’ll go..Nah, tomorrow…No today!….Ok fine, tomorrow”
Going to the gym and doing the WOD, anticipating the hurt, the discomfort, the heat, the sweat, and oh yes, the pain is not something I look forward to when I’m feeling tip top let alone when I’m beat, stressed, running on caffeine (couldn’t sleep), and it’s hot as hell.
On my best days, I stay out of this internal tug of war and drive to the gym anyway.
I know what I want.
I want to be a ninja-monkey-wrapped-in-body-armor kind of fit and be as stunningly healthy as personal control allows. And, If I (too often) let how I feel decide whether I do my time in the gym, then my advances toward that end,¬† won’t get anywhere.
Ok, so I’m at the gym. I showed up. The first battle has been won. But then this one rears it head,

I dont feel like doing this.

It’s hot. It’s muggy. And this is a lot of running…I hate running.
I try hard to hide the fact that I’m completely unmotivated right now. I hide it not only to others, but from myself. I believe the more I pay attention to this mood I’m in the more power I’m giving it, so I acknowledge it like an acquaintance at a party whose name I can’t remember; I say hi but try to avoid as much personal contact as possible till they exit the room.
I already made the decision to show up. This is good. But I also have this “irritable-ness” about me because this workout is gonna suck. I can choose to let it poison me, my workout, the mood in the room, and ultimately my future results.
The past 6 weeks have been rough. The games were taxing and draining and showed me that while I’m fit, I’m still about the 280th fittest person in southern California. Which is solid but knowing I can do a whole lot better, I want to get a whole lot better.
I watched countless videos on the CrossFit games site and am inspired by the athletes I’ve seen. Not by their workout times, or by watching them do pullups, but by hearing them talk about what gets them to the level their at.
They aren’t (all) hyper-motivated super-humans opening cans of whoop-ass on every workout they do. An overwhelming number of them are incredibly humble. They know their limitations and have experienced numerous losses and disappointment. But when they lose, they zero in on why. They don’t avoid it and cherry pick workouts. They find where they’re lacking and look it in the face. They find what’s missing from giving them the outcome they want, and work their asses off to turn a weakness into a strength.
They show up and not only that but every workout is done to the bone, to it’s fullest. Intensity has magic in it. You look at their faces and their blank. Not much to look at mid-wod. You look at their movements and it’s elegant, gained from full-minded presence to what their doing.
And Urgency. God do they move with urgency. There is such fire in their bellies, nothing matters for those 10, 15, 20 minutes of iron taming.
So there I am, starting this workout, not wanting to be here, faced with another decision; Go through the motions¬† and let “not feeling like it” set my pace. Or, I can ask myself: do I want to get better? Really, Do I? No, seriously, Do I?
Knowing these CrossFit athletes are fitter than I, how do they behave? I know that these moments of weakness are present in the mind of a more elite athlete, but the reaction is what makes the difference. Their reaction amidst a crappy unmotivated fog is exactly the same as a “hot-damn I look and feel good” kind of mood:
Do it. Do it well. And, do it with everything.
In the end it’s a decision. One you gotta make consistently. Show up and give it everything. Rinse. Repeat. Its what makes the difference.
If I feel like knapsack of hot steaming (figurative) feces, I try to keep it to myself and show those feelings out the (figurative) door. If you feel like this do the same, Feed off the others, let them build you up, they’re all there to help.
So as I take off running I try the best I can to perform better than I presently am (Ah hem, watch yesterday’s video). I run a little faster than what’s comfortable, do a few more reps before dropping the bar, go a few more seconds without stopping. And try to keep everything keeping me from that, out of my f**in way.
No talking, no thinking, just moving. No matter how You feel.
25 Burpees
10 Power Clean #155/#115
9 Pistols
20 Burpees
8 Power Clean
7 Pistols
15 Burpees
6 Power Clean
5 Pistols
10 Burpees
4 Power Cleans
3 Pistols
5 Burpees
2 Power Cleans
1 Pistol
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